Summer ’18 and TJ and I had been discussing having another baby. I just recently had my Mirena IUD removed as my 5 years with it was coming to an end. While we weren’t “trying” at the time, we decided we would see how things went and if it happened, we wouldn’t fight it.
Fast forward to my first period after getting my Mirena taken out. I was heartbroken. I realized then that I didn’t just want to “wait and see”, I wanted another baby. I discussed this with TJ and he agreed we would “try”.
Given that I hadn’t had a period in 5 years, I didn’t know my ovulation schedule. I took a generic generator I found online and guesstimated when I would be ovulating. By fluke, I decided to try out one of those ovulation strips 3 days after my “scheduled” ovulation dates. Lo and behold, I was ovulating 3 days later. One ovulation strip was all it took.
Five weeks after that, I took a pregnancy test and had no idea what I was looking at. I actually sent it to a girlfriend before I showed TJ because I wasn’t sure if it was positive or not but a few minutes later, there was no doubt. We were pregnant!
Motherhood: All love begins and ends there.
Now don’t get me wrong, I was both scared and excited. We were about to endure the journey of three kids. I thought about doing something cute to tell TJ but I basically just showed him the test and told him we were having a baby.
He didn’t look excited. He didn’t smile. He didn’t even hug me. He looked at himself in the mirror and said “I guess I got to get my shit together”. I asked him if he was happy. He said yes, but the yes was less than enthusiastic.
We told both of our immediate families shortly after not wanting to announce to early. My MIL cried and was super happy, my parents also cried and were excited to add a new grandchild to the mix.
The nausea during this pregnancy was the worst I had ever experienced. I took Diclectin daily until I was 17 weeks pregnant. I hadn’t lost weight. I wasn’t puking all the time. I had an appetite but lost interest in my favourite foods. Thank you to all of my coworkers for putting up with my whining. Especially my boss who let me go home after puking in the bin at my desk.
I tried taking cute pregnancy photos throughout but to be honest, we had two other kids, each with their own activities and appointments and we had very busy lives that I rarely had the energy to take a picture. I looked tired and worn out.
During my pregnancy I developed symptoms I had in previous pregnancies as well as some I hadn’t. I was put through the ringer this time around. It started with Pubic symphysis dysfunction around week 20. I had it late in my last pregnancy and earlier in this one. A physiotherapist I was seeing helped me with the diagnosis. We tried some exercises but the lightning crotch feeling would haunt me for another 17 weeks and get worse as time went on. I couldn’t lay down in on position for too long (particularly on my side) or my pelvis would feel like my crotch was getting stabbed. I couldn’t lift my legs without pain. I couldn’t turn over in bed (worst thing in the world when pregnant!!). I couldn’t put on pants, underwear, or socks without sitting down completely. Winter is the worst for this because it was impossible to get in and out of my car and walk over snow banks. I remember slipping and falling multiple times and each time felt like someone was ripping me apart from my crotch ( there was, it was the baby).
I work at a computer for long periods of time and do eyelashes. This involves a lot of wrist and hand contorting for hours. Because of the swelling during pregnancy, it caused me to have the most severe form of carpal tunnel I had ever experienced. Imagine waking up in the middle of the night unable to close your fists, having to run your hands under cold water to try to reduce the swelling, be unable to feel all of your fingers at different times (impossible to do lashes at this point). This lasted 10 weeks at it’s worse. I wore braces on both of my hands to try to manage the pain and discomfort. I eventually was taken off work because of it. It took weeks for me to feel my fingers again. To this day (2 months pp) I still have some lingering tingling.
The worst part of this pregnancy was having gestational diabetes. I remember telling TJ early on that I had a strange metallic taste in my mouth every time I had sweets. It had never happened before and I chalked it up to hormones. Little did I know that this is also a symptom of gestational diabetes. At 29 weeks I took my glucose test and the doctor called me two days later telling me no more sugar. I tried diet and moving more (as much as I could) but eventually my body told me that this wasn’t because of what I ate, it was because the hormones in my placenta would not allow me to produce insulin. Eventually I was taking insulin at lunch and dinner and overnight. It was hard and uncomfortable but I managed to push through it.
If you’ve never had gestational diabetes (this was a first for me), it’s a lot of pokes! Basically I had to test my blood sugar 4x per day. The goal was to be below 5.3 in the mornings (fasted) and below 7 two hours after my meals. I could be 7.7 one hour after my meals. Because my levels couldn’t be controlled (fasted), I had to take insulin. This involved a tiny needle where I had to inject insulin directly into my stomach (most effective) 3x per day. Once at lunch, once at dinner, and once before bed. Having to stab yourself with a needle is terrifying. At the end of the day, I would have to psych myself up to doing it but I did it. After 30 weeks I went in for weekly fetal assessments to assess how big the baby was. They were guessing that our baby was going to be around high 6lbs. My doctor was hoping to get my through to mid 6 lbs as she didn’t feel my pelvis could support birthing a larger baby given that Aiden and Kato were both 5lbs 13oz.
The emotional toll this pregnancy put on me between my mind and my body and my relationships was the most difficult for me. It’s very different having a baby as a single mom when you’re 18 and in a long term relationship when you’re 29.
Being two months post partum, I’ve watched my symptoms get relieve and resolve for the most part. I am going to physiotherapy for stuff that has lingered, the carpal tunnel, back pain, and core strengthening.
I was very supported by my doctor who induced me at 36.6 weeks. She acknowledged my difficulties. She wanted to take me off work sooner but was able to support me while I battled with the mental aspect vs my physical difficulties.
We were blessed with our baby boy on March 15 at 10:42pm. I would not change a thing. Every pregnancy for myself has been different and every labour and every baby is different. I thought going into this pregnancy I was a pro at it. This pregnancy beat me to my core and it was worth every painful minute and second, every poke, every needle, every sleepless night just so we could meet our perfect baby, Jasper King Cosmos.